Monday, 30 December 2013

I don't feel like dancing

I really dislike weddings.  Well maybe that's a little unfair.  I guess I really dislike wedding receptions.  And it's all about the dancing.

You see the thing is I don't enjoy dancing.  I know a lot of people have an awkwardness about dancing, and need some encouragement - but with me that's not the case - I simply don't like doing it.  Yet at weddings there seems to be this desire to get everyone "on the dancefloor" even if they'd really rather be doing something else - like sitting and talking to people or just sitting enjoying the music.

But no, people hover in packs finding those who've not ventured onto the dance floor and start off by trying to encourage them, then cajoling them and eventually trying to physically drag them onto the dance floor.  And I don't understand it?  Why am I allowed not to go on the dancefloor if I don't want to?  I'm not unhappy to miss out on the dancing, I'm not crying into my glass of bubbly wishing I could summon up the courage to go out onto the floor and throw some shapes.  Quite the contrary, I'm sitting there quite enjoying myself and could do without the the hassle.

And so I hate it.  At every wedding reception I spend the majority of my time trying to fend off people who are trying to encourage me to dance.  Which part of "no" do they not understand?  I don't even dance when I'm totally alone in the house listening to music - it's just not something I ever do.

So, I am generally unhappy at weddings - but that's not because I'm there wishing I could get on the dancefloor and just wanting someone to ask - it's because I'm sick and tired of having to go and find somewhere outside the main area - or go for a walk in the garden - or just get sterner and sterner with my "no".  Just leave alone.  If you want to dance, then great. But I don't.  Just accept it.

Rant over.

Sunday, 1 December 2013


I have just got over to the US West Coast, and that means a rather long flight from London.  And it's a daytime flight.  Well it's at the cusp of daytime, but I guess I mean that an "overnight" doesn't happen in either timezone whilst you're on the flight, so my plan is always to say awake.

I realise that just one night into my stay over here, I'm somewhat tempting fate, but I'm quite lucky in that jetlag doesn't really appear to affect me too badly at all.  The first night I usually wake up a few times during the night, but generally after that things click into the new timezone.  The way I do it is to force my sleep into the new timezone as soon as I get on the plane - and for the flight from London over to the US West Coast that means staying away for around ten hours.  And that means in-flight entertainment.  It wasn't that long ago that British Airways used to play everything on a loop, so you picked your channel and sat through it - and only when the longest-running of all the movies finished did they loop around to the start and you could watch it again.  Video on demand has come along since then, but the choice is still generally awful.

On the way over here, there wasn't a single British comedy on offer in the TV section.  I ended up sitting through five episodes of the Big Bang Theory - which I really can't stand - just for something to keep my eyes busy.  It's something I only watch on planes - like I only really drink apple juice or wipe my face with a hot towel on planes - I only ever watch the Big Bang Theory on planes.  Maybe that's because it's so dire that when I'm at home, there's always _something_ more interesting to do but when you're stuck next to a stranger with whom you've no desire to converse for the best part of half a day, anything is better than nothing.

So anyway, my knowledge of Big Bang Theory is based on what I see on planes but this time I noticed a change.  Previously, there were lots of jokes about people who were a little too scientific in their thinking and couldn't really do social things which was maybe a bit too close to home for me to find funny (I just found it cruel) but this time it seemed to be a lot ruder.  It never had sexual humour in it at all before, but every single one of the episodes had a running gag about somebody's bits and pieces.

I did try watching over things on the plane.  "Day Of The Doctor" was on there too - but given I only re-watched that a couple of evenings ago, I didn't think it was particularly worth watching again just yet.  I tried watching "Portlandia" which I just really didn't understand at all. I'm sure it was supposed to be funny (and there was a bit with Matt Lucas selling Stew which I didn't understand either) but it just didn't push the "giggle button" for me.

There was a sketch about a hotel though.  The premise of the sketch was a hotel chain called "Outlet" with the usp that every room had loads and loads of outlets in it.  Far from being funny, I found myself thinking "that would be a great idea".  This hotel room, for instance, is certainly not bad.  It's a rather nice hotel in Downtown Seattle and has lots of nice facilities. But what it doesn't have is enough outlets.  It does have a coffee machine, and much as I don't really like coffee, I decided to make myself a cup this morning.  But where to plug the coffee machine in?  There's not outlet within ten feet of where the coffee machine was, so I ended up carrying it around the room trying to find the ideal location where the distance between outlet and furniture was less than the length of the cord.  It ended up balanced in front of the TV which is not only unwise, but also means I can't see the TV.

The lack of outlets also means I can't plug my laptop in whilst it's on the bedside table if I want to watch Netflix or something to pass the time.  Nor can I leave my phone on charge overnight when I'm using it as an alarm clock - though having the alarm the other side of the room does at least force you out of bed I suppose.  Talking of which - time for breakfast.  I really must write up my review of the Doctor Who episode before everyone's forgotten about it, mustn't I? ;-)